Seasons Change

I know it has been a while and even longer since I have posted consistently. Work has been tough. There are many challenges to making inter-personal relationships work. "Communication is key", as the saying goes. The Ps and I are still on a bumpy road to figuring out the best ways to communicate with each other and get the job done. Did I mention the road was bumpy? Perhaps, the road has been bone-jarring might be better.

The time apart from my family is…agonizing. Agony is a good word to explain it. Getting rid of the house was not supposed to take this long. More than ever, I recognize that I am making life changing decisions for me and ma chère, but more importantly for my children. It is 7 months today since we had more than a few days together in our own space. My children have spent the better part of a year without their father at their side. It nibbles at my soul and breaks my heart to think of it.

I was approached in December to consider a position back home. It is a House Manager/Cook position. The responsibilities, hours, etc. are less than what I have here. So, too, is the salary. Also, it does not feel like there is any other potential with the position. I would stay in that rather limited role for as long as I would be with that family. That is not at all like what I face here. The obvious up side is I would be back with my family. Add to that my mid-western sense of employer loyalty, the past few bumpy weeks on the job, 6 day work weeks and you get a sense of my confusion.

What was I thinking in May?

Title by Corinne Bailey Rae

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Last night found me once again preparing to board a flight back to New York. It's been 9 weeks since I first left for the Hamptons. I am facing some hard challenges both at home and at work.

It is getting harder to get back on the plane to go back to work. The breaks are great, almost enough. We have to nail down the housing situation, quickly. The boys are resilient, but I do not want to take advantage of their hearts and up-bringing too much longer. 21 weeks and counting of this and counting.

Work is creeping into my personal life more and more. I have to work on keeping that boundary better. My role is the equivalent of a director or upper level manager in the corporate world. I understand that the hours will be long, the demands more intense and the performance expectations higher. Being live-in, however, means there is much less chance to escape the work environment. I need to get my staffing situation under control, if only to be able to relax on my days off knowing service is being provided to the Ps and work is getting done around the property.

Title by U2

Just Like My Father

T1 got into some serious trouble at school the other day. He was confused by the difference between being in control versus being independent. He was so busy arguing and throwing attitude at teachers, he eventually not only lost control of the situation but control of himself as well.

I can already hear some of you thinking, "Here it begins…This is a separation thing. The boy needs attention." That might be some of it. Let us remember, though, that he is 12 going on 28. Besides, I see this as a positive thing. T1 is learning to deal with things on his own. He would go through this no matter if I were at home or not. The important thing is he is surrounded by people that know him, love him and with momentary self-inflicted exceptions respect him.

He now understands a little bit better that the price of taking help is not paid for by loss of independence. I am not so naïve that he gets it completely; however, a day or two out of class on suspension will certainly give him some time to mull it over.

Title by The Violent Femmes