So long, and thanks for all the fish

From the time I was hired, there was a significant lack of work for me to do. I was told it would be a couple of months before I was engaged in a project. Eventually, I was commissioned to perform a task that was outside of my previous experience and never mentioned during my interviews. By all accounts, the role was relatively undefined, the deliverables were variable and the team was practically all new staff and shifting almost weekly. I was frustrated with the lack of clarity and expectations for my role, the culture of bureaucracy and the difficulty of getting any decision actually made. That frustration was outwardly expressed in my attitude and communications. I struggled; frankly, I failed at it miserably. The fact is I was outside of my experience; however, there is no excuse. I am better than that.

After several months of sincere dedication by me and my managers to meet my team’s and client’s expectations, it was indicated I still needed to work on my communication styles and interpersonal skills. My sincerity and passion is interpreted as over-bearing. My desire to share information and articulation is interpreted as arrogance, "know-it-all" mentality and “has to be right”. That is not to say I cannot be an arrogant snob, I can…with the best. The expectation was for me to be less detailed, less technical and less articulate in my communications with the internal client (though in a twist of irony I was accused of using slang in an unprofessional manner, go figure).

(I read somewhere that self-confidence can be interpreted as arrogance through the perceiver's self-doubt. "I am as arrogant as you are over-whelmed by your self-doubt.")

I am not prepared to make these changes. I admit that I should vary my "social style" based on audience; however, the concept of "dumbing down" a message is insulting to all parties. If it is not my role to dictate “what” and "how", the decision makers must have a reasonable amount of information in order to move the project forward. Unfortunately, the organization’s strong suit is not decision making.

My experience with the firm has been that experienced new hires are only valued if they can mimic the current processes. These lucky few do great in the firm. They are easy to work with and can get things done. However, the culture makes it so experienced hires must be "fixed" before they can really be trusted to do their job. The "this is the way WE do it" mentality is stifling. It is demoralizing and debilitating for new hires. Any organization that feels that 5 years is an ok acclimation period for experienced hires, needs to re-evaluate why they are bringing in experienced workers. The pay is substandard and the benefits are being trimmed to make the organization more competitive. This does not strike me as “doing the right thing”.

Yesterday was my last day. I could go on. Indeed, I did on my exit interview. I felt my criticism was delivered rationally and sincerely. I also felt my comments were not a surprise. However, I have already let it go.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.